i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
