There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
