i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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