Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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