he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
