Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
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We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
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I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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