I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
