On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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