are you still at the devil's house?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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