How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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