if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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