He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
