you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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