Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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