Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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