OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
