So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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