My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
