An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
