Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
