there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
