my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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