Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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