I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
