It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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