Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
