im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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