Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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