i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
