the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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