remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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