i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
