I didn't shave. On purpose
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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