420 ftw
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Randomize
