Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
