girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
