I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
