Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
