You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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