Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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