Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
