someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
