The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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