When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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