Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
