More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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