Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
