Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
