there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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