Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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