my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
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Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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