Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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