the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
