I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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