Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Drunk is not a location!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
