"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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