i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
