my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
