Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
