Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
