Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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