She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
