Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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