"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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