I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
