woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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