you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
