so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
