His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
