I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
