I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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