dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The Olympian is in my bed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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