i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
