My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
