I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Even my vagina gasped.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
