i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
