waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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