I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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